Let’s Talk Sh*t

I’ve been thinking lately and it amazes me how embarrassed people are to take care of the business that is designed for the bathroom.  Now I’m not talking about at home, I’m talking about at work (your home away from home).  I know that I can’t be the only one that is hesitant to launch a missile when there are other rockets in the bathroom. The craziest part about me being ashamed is that I naturally give zero fu*ks about what someone thinks. 

So for me, it’s been difficult to narrow down my top concerns.

A coworker and myself were discussing this, as I am very vocal about many issues that most would consider TMI, and we came to the conclusion that people are weary of being gossiped about. I can just hear it now,

Friend A :“Girrrrrrrl I was in the bathroom minding my own self business and Becky came in and blew it UPPPPPPP!”

Friend B: “Girl stop!! How did you know it was Becky?”

Friend A: Because I saw that little floral shirt she had on and she the only person in this building with those suede sandals. I wonder what she had for lunch?!”

Friend B: Hahaha I canNAWT. Chile who knows, but now every time I see her I’m going to think about you saying she tore the bathroom down.”

And there lies the actual factual problem. The above dialogue was taken from bits and pieces of an actual conversation I had. Admittingly, we understand that  “dropping your kids off at the pool” is a necessary part of life and that we all must do it, but it does not discourage others from gossiping about you when you do it, especially if you can wake the dead.

I’ve never been able to understand how one could sh*t and not flush the toilet. If you’re anything like me, when you open a stall and discover a treasure, you tend to back out of it and try the next one. So, I’ve never had the pleasure of trying to flush the toilet and realizing it was out of order. It wasn’t until I had a nice cup of creamer and sugar with a side of coffee that I realized sh*t happens. As I was saying, I was having my morning coffee and the bubble guts hit me and to the handicap stall I went. I handled my business and then flushed. The water went down and then stopped only to come back up and sit. I stood there in disbelief and embarrassment and I just knew my life was over.

I work on a floor with at least 100 other people and of that 100, majority are women. So, I ran out of the stall as fast as I could, washed my hands and got ghost. I’m now sitting at my desk and I am beyond ashamed. Because this is truly ahcusting (child’s version of disgusting), I take a tour back into the bathroom and try to flush again, same results. Well, I’m feeling so bad at this point, I go to my manager and tell her that the toilet is out of order so that it can be resolved fast.

Later that afternoon, my coworker and I are talking and the bathroom comes up. She says, “Yeah that was just nasty and whoever did that could have at least stayed in the bathroom until maintenance came to fix it.” I laugh in embarrassment and then told her well, it wasn’t that simple and that it was me… She died laughing and I explain to her that I now understand how sh*t happens.

So as a result, I make sure to flush any toilet I am about to blow up, because I refuse to be caught slipping again.

I pose this question to any of my readers, How do you feel about taking a sh*t at work? I think if we all just announced it, it wouldn’t be as embarrassing.. What’s your take?